Texts From Last Night

Remember that text you shouldn't have sent last night? We do.
some of my faves:

• If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid
• (212): i want you now
  (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
• so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
• (510): he said he didn't have a condom.
  (415): and you said?
  (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
• Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.